Updated: May 17
I'm never going to be able to get this done. I know I have the desire and the motivation, I feel it in my bones but I am so scared .
Scared because I have a feeling deep down inside that tells me that there is no way I can accomplish what I want to accomplish.
A voice that tells me that all the desire in the world is not going to help me reach a goal that's simply not for me.
I try to figure out how it is that other people reach their goals and for the life of me, I can't figure it out.
Is it simply an issue of fate? Some people were just made to reach certain goals.
That must be it! Why else would I begin to embark on a project and see no signs of whether this project will work out or not. No date, no feedback, no information.
This must be a sign that this particular project is not for me, it's not going to work out. Otherwise, I would be getting some feedback from the universe; some sign that this is at least promising...nothing. I get nothing.
How am I expected to continue down a path when I have no earthly idea if it is the right thing for me?
I have no special skills, no real training. I've made it all up as I go. I don't feel sure or secure about my abilities. Especially not like those other people.
I see people knowing exactly what they want to accomplish in life and they simply go for it and it works out. I've never felt like that about anything!!
Be so confident that I move forward with chasing down my dream with my eyes closed and simply going on blind faith and a little desire? It can't be. Life cannot be that simple. These people must know something that I don't. WHAT AM I MISSING????
It is so frustrating to see people around me achieving and reaching their goals and I being stuck here indecisive about which goal is the best one for me to chase down. I am frozen with fear and confusion. I don't know what the right choice is.
How can I possibly choose? I have no idea what I want, no idea what I'm good at and no idea what I'm supposed to be doing.
I see all of these people finding success so easily and me hear struggling. I hear things like "be yourself, just do what you love" I only wish I had a clue. Something or someone to guide me in the right direction...or at least tell me what I should do.
I've come so far without deciding that the idea of deciding on one thing for me and my life has become frightening.
I AM SCARED!!!!
Scared that I will make a mistake, scared that I will pick the wrong thing, scared that things may not work out. UUUGGGHHHHHH! This is so frustrating.
I think I have lost my ability to dream, to think positively about the unknown. I've tried it before and all I end up with is pain and embarrassment. I no longer allow myself to get excited about things. I no longer think that things will work out how I once thought.
That idea hurts me but it hurts less that trying something new and failing at it.
What am I missing????
I am a fairly smart person, at least I think I am.
I do ok at my job. No one has much bad to say about me. I get good yearly reviews. I don't have many problems at work.
But I can't bring myself to even think about embarking on a new project. My job may not be the best thing that's happened to me and sometimes it annoys me to no end but it's what I have.
I'm confused because I want to grow as a person, I have this desire inside of me that tells me that I want more but I cannot for the life of me figure out what that is. Even less, begin to explore to figure out what it is, who has the time for that? Who has the will to bet let down even one more time?
I am constantly hearing people say that they have doubts but I am sure they don't have doubts on this level. There is no way. My doubts are by far the most.
I would love to hear your thoughts, If this article resonated with you on any level, let me know in the comments.